The Ordeal and the Gift

I used to think of my dharma as some grand purpose that I was designed to live out and contribute to humanity. I thought of it as something that I was wired to do, like the giving of some inherent gift that I was born with. I feel now that this is only partially true.

I re-listened a few days ago to the transcript of a conversation between the channeled entity Seth and myself, who I had the honor of sitting in conversation with last year. I had asked him at that time what the root cause of my illness was and sat with tears streaming down my face as he told me that this period in my life was ‘written’ or as set in stone in this incarnation for me as the fact that I was born a woman, or born white. Certain factors are built into the ‘set up’, he said, so that the soul can live out the purpose of its incarnation. He said that there was nothing that I had done or not done, no energetic deficiency, and no shortcoming on my part that had made this excruciatingly challenging period in my life appear and persist. I sat with tears streaming as he told me that I needed to release my self-blame and any last shreds of self-reproach for the challenge that I was currently living. I still can’t listen to this audio without getting a burning sensation in my throat and crying. Self-forgiveness is an ongoing process.

Seth also told me that this period in my life was the ‘seed in the dark soil’ of my life’s true purpose and that a person can only teach something that they have experienced first hand. He said that I was in the process of bringing forth a truth through my healing journey that I would in turn gift to humanity.

Tonight as I was yielding the weigh of my body onto the floor and breathing—a practice of embodied surrender I find myself in most days—it dawned on me. Our challenges are just as much a part of our dharma as the giving of our true gift is. It sounds so obvious now that I type it out. I’m not the only one who has to go through an ordeal to come into the full ability to give my true gift. In fact, this is an archetypal pattern that many people who are on a soulful path encounter. The depth of our gift is often revealed through a grueling process of self-discovery. You can be sure that whatever you have struggled with the most, has inextricably linked to it, your dharma, that is, the gift that is truly yours to give. We are born, certainly, with the basic ingredients, or energetic imprinting, for actualizing our dharma, but the story that we undergo is what, like a process of alchemy, allows for the formation of our offering.

I know that the seeds of my life’s true purpose are sprouting beneath the surface. Something is coming together in tangible and intangible ways that is just beginning to form a coherent picture. I’m learning that when I make myself wrong for this period of undergoing that I am dishonoring the set up that my soul has so carefully orchestrated for my unfolding. The resistance is part of the learning process, yes, and so is the sweet surrender that says, “Okay soul…I will stop fighting you and trust this process instead.” 

Faith can unfold her wings when it feels like there is no guarantee. 

2014 © Marie-Ève Bonneau

To read more about this check out: Living our Soul Gifts