Love is the Ground

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All it takes is one conversation, one glance, one intention and the thread begins to fray and then unravel. The course begins to go sideways—like a shopping cart with a stubborn wheel that requires all you can muster to steer it around a bend. Life as you know it has changed (again).  

Loss feels all too familiar, especially that moment when the void rushes in.
When you live through enough comings and goings you realize that you are the thing that stays. The very presence that I am and that you are is what endures all the fluxes of this life ride. I know that what is truly mine cannot be taken away. The fabric of my existence is the canvas on which all other manifestations appear and disappear in my life.

You’d think I’d come to expect it but it still catches me off guard when I start to lean too heavily on a ‘given’ and it feels like the rug is pulled out from underneath me. Life says: Wake up. 

Sacrifices are being thrown into the fire with no mercy. This is a call to Presence, a call to reconnect with Essence. This too must be taken; this too must go into the fire of your transformation. Everything is at stake. There is nothing left to lose and only your freedom to be gained.

Truth has the final say. I am in service to truth. I tune into the feeling, the message; I heed the call—I often resist what comes through. The transmission gets louder when I choose not to listen and align. Truth reaches a boiling point and integrity must be restored. There is no other way.

There is a vast space that holds all the said and unsaid words between us and the ropes on the suspension bridge have begun to fray. Today we are strangers, and just yesterday we were star-crossed lovers with a shared destiny. The hours feel long as the echo of this abrupt freeze in the stream reverberates through me.  Three blocks and a million miles away—you are gone as though they’d taken you in the night to some place that you can’t be reached.  Just a moment ago this was something.  And just like that…Your smell, your touch, your belly laughter are thrown like drops back into the ocean where truth dissolves every last ounce of you into the stream of life. Breath to breath, chest to chest, heartbeat to heartbeat. Irrevocably things change in but an instant.

When I’m not connected to my essence events take on a life of their own. A track engages and I am carried off on a reckless mind-based ride into my own insanity. When the gremlins of mind and the conditioned mind loops take over, unless I practice staying rooted in presence, I lose my footing all together. When I’ve lost my inner ground—that intrinsic sense of wholeness and personal integrity—it can get out of hand and inevitably does. I’m literally ‘not myself’ and until I reconnect with who I truly am, I’m not showing up in the world in a balanced way.  When I find myself behaving recklessly and living in a perpetual state of drama, I know that I’m not tuning into the ground of my being—I’ve left my seat. Certain happenings are a call to attention that let me know that I’ve strayed from the essence-way in which I intend to show up in my relationships and on my path.

In the midst of my bizarre mind-trance of disconnection from self, I had a dance emergency.  It welled up from deep inside my being and erupted into an unstoppable explosion of movement. I danced a wild dance like I have not danced in quite some time.  It had to be done, it did me undone: a fierce, emotive, powerful dance that plugged me home to my self in a tear streaming, breath-racing, full-bodied emancipation. This ritual of remembrance was a return to self, an act of embodying grace; it was a full-blooded prayer I undulated gratefully through my cells.  I came back to my senses.

This dance got real deep in my bones, it reverberated my heart in my chest, loosened my minds’ hold and like a tuning fork the dance struck the frequency of Love in my being. And there it was. It had been there all along.

When I open and relax into myself I feel it through and through…
I am the love I seek and I know that this love is solid ground.

xo m.ev