The Taboo of our Humanness

I’ve started to share excerpts from my story, (which turns out will be more of a book than a blog post ) and something really profound is happening.  If you've missed the first couple posts they are here, and hereAs I allow myself to be vulnerable and to speak openly about my illness and the darkness of the past few years people are extending themselves to me in ways I couldn’t have imagined.  I’ve received hugs, phone calls, and many messages, some from people I hadn’t heard from in years.  As I’ve opened up and allowed myself to be seen, the sheer force of heart-love coming my way is nothing short of pure magic.  There is also a commonality in the messages I’m receiving.  Beneath their words, I sense that people are relieved that I’m admitting my humanness publicly and it’s somehow giving them permission to be vulnerable and to come out with their own stories. 

Why is it that our humanness is taboo? Where did we all learn to put on a brave face and to get on with the show no matter what?  How do we expect to get by without letting the truth out and truly letting people in?  I feel deeply that we are all here on a healing journey regardless of the many appearances that need for healing takes on.  My journey currently has to do with healing from Lyme Disease, amongst other things.  For others it’s about healing addiction, body-weight issues, relationship stuff, chronic pain, mental-health issues, and ties to abundance and sexuality.  The list is truly endless.

When you look underneath the surface you see how much we are all dealing with similar issues of self-worth, “deservability”, shame, fear, and feelings of being unlovable.  And while the outward appearances may differ, deep down we are dealing with variations of the same root issues and we long for same basic human things. Underneath it all lies our precious shared heart, our shared fears, our shared insecurities, and our common struggle to 'be a person' and to hold it all together.

Artwork: Artist Unknown
So, why are we all hiding the truth of the journey?  I know for me that I’ve always had a tremendous amount of pride.  Even when I was supremely sick and dragging myself around, I would hold myself to an absurdly high standard of "perfection".  One way this showed up was in the excessive 'primping' I would do before going out which included thoroughly lint brushing the cat hair off my clothes.  Sounds funny (and kinda neurotic), I know!  You feel like you're dying, but god forbid anyone see you with cat hair on your clothes!  God forbid anyone be able to tell how sick you are or that you're falling apart. God forbid anyone find out your human.  It’s one thing to beautify oneself out of a love for beauty and as an act of appreciation for self, and something else entirely to do it out of a false sense of pride.  When I dig deeper into that “pride” and really look at it, I see that it stems from a fear of being unacceptable.  I believe we all harbor that inner shadow somewhere deep down.

The most amazing newsflash that I want to share with you is this:  It’s only once you admit to yourself and others that you’re human that they will be able to come close and offer support.  It’s only when people came to know that I was sick that they were able to offer love, support and compassion.  Until then, I was only depriving myself of that kindness by hiding my wounding behind a false fortress of perfection.  I was also depriving myself and others of the opening to share our hearts, and of having the opportunity to experience our shared humanity.  Phew!  Doesn’t that feel better? 
{This is a small excerpt of a forthcoming work in progress}

© 2013  Marie-Ève Bonneau