The Great Impact of Your Littlest Act

Days when I was at my worst I would sometimes need to leave the house to pick up a few groceries or other essential items to get by.  The rest of the day I would be suffering at home, dragging myself from the bed, to the couch, and back again trying to bear months of extreme discomfort like this, one moment at a time.  In that small window when I pulled myself together enough to leave the house, I would have, what often was, my only live interaction of the day with a store clerk or someone passing by on the street.

When you are so sick that you wonder how you are going to even manage to get yourself to the grocery store, let alone back home, you don't have much of a social life.  Having the door held open for you, or sharing a few warm moments with someone while paying for your groceries is the difference between feeling like the Universe is on your side or not.  Those moments of kindness and warmth would get me through the rest of the day.  If someone let me pull in front of them into traffic, was kind while bagging my groceries, or simply smiled at me, it fueled the little spark of hope that I carried inside me that I would make it, that things were working, that the Universe had my back.  Similarly, if I didn’t get ‘good vibes’ while I was out, someone huffed at me for being in their way, or a store clerk was short with me, it made my load feel unbearable.  The littlest things have tremendous impact.  

I feel like I experienced two sides of humanity through living my ordeal.  Some would go out of their way to check in on me or send me words of encouragement while others didn’t even bother to respond when I wrote to tell them I had fallen ill.  My inner circle became small and made of solid gold as true friends and family came close, stayed close, and held space for me in a way that I will never forget, while many simply seemed to stop calling or were too busy to pay heed to my situation.

I realized that we must first nourish ourselves deeply and give ourselves the unconditional love that we most long for.  Our first relationship is always with the self.  You get this in a whole new way when you are flat out with only your prayers to keep you company at night and you don’t even know if you’re going to make it.  Secondly, I realized that the people around me who took the time to connect with me literally saved my life.  I don’t think I would be sitting here writing this today if a few key people had not held my hand through this and continue to hold my hand now.  That and all the angels in street clothes who in my darkest hours shone their heart light my way even for the briefest second.  I felt you and you made my load bearable.  Thank you.

Share your heart.  Know that your love makes the world go round.  It really does.  Your kindness ripples out in ways that you can never predict to people living things you can’t even imagine.  Never underestimate the impact that you make.  “We're all just walking each other home."  

{This is a small excerpt of a forthcoming work in progress}

xo m.ev